did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
