I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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