i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
