She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
