A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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