I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
