Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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