I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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