This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Text me some of your sweat
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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