Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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