She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
