woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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