It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
