went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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