Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
