I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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