Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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