Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
