dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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