I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize