Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
