No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
