dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
