FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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