Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
