What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
