So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
