I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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