She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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