apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize