he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
