i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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