If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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