p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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