My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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