He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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