How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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