You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
