Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
