dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
