i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
