im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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