shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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