All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
