we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Im part way to drunk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
