did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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