Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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