pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
