He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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