Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
