I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
