U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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