garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
