I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
