I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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