No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
