I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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