btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
