I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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