I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize