I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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