fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize