my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
