her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
