I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
