i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
