did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
