so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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