mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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