Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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