I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
