I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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