I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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