what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
