I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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