Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
