and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The air was thick with penises
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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