I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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