somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
