Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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