I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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