Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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