Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
