You smell like stripper and shame
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
