You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
