from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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