what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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