I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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