After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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