Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
