Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
